It all begins when a woman finds out she is pregnant. Sometimes that can be when she misses her period and decides to take a test, maybe it was planned, or maybe it was a huge surprise only found out because of the terrible morning sickness. Regardless how one finds out it is a life changing moment.
In January of 2010 when I found out I was pregnant with our first child Addison we were over the moon happy. It was all I ever dreamed of. It was only a few days after that I had some bleeding and was told I had a miscarriage. After two weeks and still feeling terrible I went back to the doctor, went for more blood work and was still pregnant. At that point I thought that was a bad experience and it could only go up hill from there. Ha...if only. At 30/31 weeks I started bleeding again, was put on bed rest, went in and out of the hospital and it was all un-explained. The baby didn't move much, I had weekly (often more then one a week) ultrasounds but still everyone told us everything was fine.
At 39 weeks exactly I was induced and within 20 minutes labour began at 7:20 pm. After a typical birth experience with less then 2 hours of pushing Addison was born at 10:04 am on October 1st!
Just like most people who have babies your concerns are breastfeeding, size, etc. You push and push and your baby finally comes out and all the fears go away and this is now the life changing moment and the beginning of your life with your new baby.
Imagine the moment when your baby comes out and there is no crying, the room fills with people and then empties just as quick, your baby is gone, your husband is gone with the baby and you are left on a bed not able to move and not looking very graceful with no idea what is going on.
That was probably one of the best and most traumatic experiences of my life.
The rest from there is history.
It does bring me to 36 hours later....it would have been Saturday night. We were sitting in our hospital room..without our baby and a few of our family members were there. We still had no idea what was wrong with Addison. All we knew was she was sick, having seizures, couldn't eat, and had a lot of cords attached to her. A doctor walked in the room and told us that Addison had HIE. She might as well talked to us in a foreign language. I looked at her and asked her to tell us worst case scenario....That's when we first heard it....severe cerebral palsy. At that moment it was as if our life fell apart around us. I can not explain in words how that felt....
When I look back at that moment now I think....well it's not that bad. We did get worst case scenario, but we are handling it and love our little angel who has taught us more then anyone or any education could ever have taught us in our life.
Why am I talking about all of this again....
Well lots of babies are being born around us all the time! Everyone is experiencing what every new family should experience....a healthy baby! Not a person goes into labour without my stomach doing a little flip when I hope that everything works out fine. This is something I hope will change once I get to have that experience too.
HIE- We are one of the cases who do not have an answer. They don't know when or how it happened. All they told us was it happens in 1 of every 100 births...maybe not always to our severity but it happens.
Yes I am pregnant again, this pregnancy has gone great and I feel soooo much movement, I have not had any bleeding since the first trimester, and have a very big baby (7.4 pounds at almost 35 weeks).
I met with the obstetrician today and have developed a birth plan. At 37 weeks I will go and have an exam. He will try to get things moving then. If nothing happens I will be induced at 38 weeks. The reason for induction is so the baby doesn't become too big which can cause a difficult birth.
C-Section has been discussed by the doctors throughout the pregnancy, by our family and our friends. I have heard every opinion possible. What is important for us now is that people support our decision to go on and try to have a vaginal delivery and understand that we are doing what was recommended by the professionals. What happened the first time has the same chance of happening again to us and it does for any woman who is going to give birth.
No there is no ideal situation right now. We are nervous and probably so are you. The next few weeks until the baby is in our arms and healthy are going to be very long, emotional and stressful. Yes, we have been through a lot, have a lot of daily challenges, and have lots of bad days along with our good ones but in the end this is what we want and hope that you will respect that and offer your support not opinions!
Thanks for listening!
And remember...the song "Today I'm going to try to change the world" by Johnny Reid is Addison's song! Check it out.